Hello people!
Sorry about the delay; there were some editing complications. Anyway, let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Cheers!
C.
Chapter 12:
“I am so tired!” Ellyn exclaimed, flopping onto the ground. She was the only one awake enough to be talking. Gavin and Brynn had spent half the day trying to find Ben, who had run off the night before, while Erath and Ellyn argued over everything under the sun. They had only traveled for a few hours before another rainstorm had turned the road into a stream and the wind had picked up, making every step a fight. Somehow, everything seemed to be going wrong. Ellyn and Erath were constantly fighting, and more than once Gavin and Brynn had had to physically restrain them. Gavin was busy helping Erath with his bandages, which Ellyn refused to do, and keeping firewood stocked and Ben taken care of. Brynn went hunting nearly every morning before the others were up and was teaching Ellyn how to cook. Ellyn did her best with the cooking, but everyone preferred it when Brynn made dinner. Erath didn’t even attempt to help but usually watched the others with an air of being aloof. The one good thing that had happened was that since Erath’s arrival Ellyn and Gavin fought less frequently, either from lack of energy or because it was boring compared to arguing with Erath.
“Where’s the provision sack?” Ellyn asked crossly, breaking the silence.
“Here,” Gavin said, swinging it off of his back and setting it on the ground next to her. Ellyn began rummaging through it, muttering. Brynn went to chop firewood while Gavin unloaded the packs. Erath watched the three of them work, resting against a tree. It had been nearly two weeks since they had found him and his wounds were healing well, but he still insisted that his injuries incapacitated him. Arguing was fruitless, so the other three had stopped trying to get him to help.
At dinner they sat silently around the fire. A few birds bid goodnight to the world, the only sound disturbing the silence of the trees around them. The sky was slowly growing darker, and stars appeared, glimmering faintly against the blue. Brynn sat up abruptly.
“We’re almost out of bread,” he stated, glancing around the circle. The others turned their attention toward him.
“So?” Ellyn asked.
“So we need to buy more,” Brynn answered, smiling wryly. “The village of Sveya is about five miles away from here. We can go there in the morning and buy provisions. All right?”
“Sounds good,” Gavin responded.
“Sure,” Ellyn said.
Erath just glared into the fire. Brynn knew by now that he shouldn’t expect an answer from him.
“Let’s get some sleep,” Brynn said, finally.
All four were asleep within minutes.
Everyone was in considerably better spirits the next morning. The sun had finally come out after days of rain. Sleep helped a great deal as well.
“When we get to town, Ellyn, why don’t you come with me to buy food?” Brynn suggested as they ate breakfast.
“And what are we supposed to do while you’re gone?” Erath asked coldly. Brynn met his challenging gaze.
“I’m sure you and Gavin will find something to do,” he replied. “I don’t think it’s wise for you to go into town, considering the condition we found you in last time.”
“I can take care of myself,” Erath snapped.
“Oh, really?” Brynn asked. “Then I suppose you don’t need Gavin to help you with your bandages anymore? Be grateful that you have people remotely caring about your welfare. You certainly don’t seem to realize how dependent you are on all of us.”
“We’ll try our hand at hunting,” Gavin broke in, hoping to avoid another argument.
“Good. Let’s get going,” Brynn answered, turning away from Erath’s glaring blue eyes.
They reached Sveya within an hour and separated outside the gates.
“We’ll meet by that grove of trees in an hour,” Brynn decided. The others nodded and set off. Inside the village, confusion reigned. Wagons full of people, animals, and possessions filled the streets. Chickens clucked, men shouted, and children weaved in and out among the carts. Women were hurriedly piling the wagons full of pots, pans, mattresses, food, and other goods.
“What’s going on?” Ellyn asked, looking around.
“I don’t know. Let’s see if we can find out. Come on,” Brynn said, leading the way to a bakery. Inside, there was a long ling of customers, each of them jabbering excitedly.
“Where is everyone going?” Brynn asked the proprietor, when they finally reached the counter.
“How should I know? Lot’s of places, I’m sure. What can I get you?” the man asked, briskly.
“Four loaves of traveler’s bread,” Brynn told him.
“But why is everyone leaving?” Ellyn persisted. The man put the bread in a sack.
“Haven’t you heard?” he asked, stopping to stare at them. “There’s been trouble brewing on the borders of Elindin. No one knows for sure just what it means. That’s twelve silver coins,” he finished, handing Ellyn the bag. Brynn paid and they left the congested shop.
“What does “trouble” mean? It could be anything! It could be sheep rustling, or wolf attacks, or a hundred other things!” Ellyn burst out.
“Well, getting worked up about it isn’t going to help,” Brynn reminded her. “Why don’t we try talking to some of these people?” Ellyn nodded, and they made their way through the crowded street to the line of wagons.
“Excuse me,” Brynn began, addressing a gray-bearded old man. “What’s going on at the border?”
“What? The border?” the old man asked, leaning toward him. “You want a ride?”
“I don’t want a ride anywhere,” Brynn answered, speaking louder. “I was wondering why are you leaving?”
“Weaving? No, Marguerite doesn’t weave much anymore. She used to be the best around here, ‘til she got married, and then she didn’t have to be the best anymore,” the old man went on.
“No, sir, I mean, why are you going?” Brynn tried. Ellyn stifled a laugh.
“Going where, sonny?” the man asked.
“Never mind,” Brynn finally gave up. “Thank you anyway.”
“Sure, it was real nice talkin’ to you too,” the old man answered, smiling amiably.
Ellyn giggled as they walked away from him, and Brynn couldn’t help smiling either.
“Why don’t you try this time?” he suggested.
“All right,” Ellyn agreed. “Sir?” she said politely to a tall, brawny man.
“Yeah?” the man responded, scratching his scruffy black beard.
“Do you know anything about what is going on at the borders?” Ellyn asked.
“Nah,” the man answered. With that, he turned around and walked away.
Ellyn’s mouth hung open in astonishment. “Well, why are you leaving then?” she asked, running after him.
“Gotta get out,” he answered shortly.
“But why?” Ellyn persisted.
“’Cause there’s trouble at the border. Ain’t ya heard?” the man answered.
“Of course,” Ellyn answered, exasperated. “But what is the trouble at the border?”
The man ran a hand through his hair, thinking, before replying, “I dunno.”
Brynn caught up with them. “Come on,” Brynn said, laughing. “We’re not making any progress. We need to get back to Gavin and Erath anyway.”
It took them almost fifteen minutes to get through the crowds of people. Ellyn almost got kicked by a mule, but other than that, they made it back to the gate in relatively good shape.
“We made it!” Ellyn exclaimed, taking a deep breath. “I wasn’t sure we would be able to get out without being smashed by a cart.”
“Looks like the boys are back too,” Brynn answered as they drew near the grove. Gavin’s back was toward them, but they could see that Erath, who was facing them, was not in a good mood. Gavin turned around as they walked up. His bottom lip was bleeding but he looked relieved to see them. Ellyn gasped.
“What did you do to him?” she demanded, rushing toward Erath. Brynn grabbed her arm and held her back from him.
“What happened?” Brynn asked quietly.
“Erath decided to steal a chicken,” Gavin answered, flatly.
“You what?” Brynn asked, looking at Erath.
“Stole a chicken,” Erath answered, his voice cool.
“Why?”
“Because we couldn’t catch anything. And we needed the meat,” he replied.
“We don’t eat stolen food,” Brynn said.
“Oh?” Erath asked. “Maybe you don’t. But some of us haven’t had life handed to us on a silver platter.”
Brynn’s eyes darkened with quiet anger. “I’m sorry if you had a rough childhood,” he said coldly, “but stealing is unacceptable, and as long as you are part of this company, you will not. You also entered the town, which we all agreed, would be unwise.”
“Maybe I didn’t agree,” Erath answered.
“Then you should have spoken up,” Brynn said, stepping toward him.
“You can’t control me. I’ll do what I want to do when I want to,” Erath replied defiantly.
“You’re traveling with three other people, now,” Brynn went on, his voice low. “You have to think about how your decisions will affect everyone else, whether you want to or not.”
“No,” Erath whispered menacingly. “I don’t.”
Brynn did the only thing he could think of to do. He punched Erath squarely in the face. Erath stumbled backward with the force of the blow and landed in the dust. He got up, rubbing his chin. His ice blue eyes had become dangerously sharp, but Brynn was already moving on.
“If that isn’t clear,” he said, “let me know.” Turning to Gavin and Ellyn, he said, “Let’s get out of here.”
“Hand me that pack, Erath,” Ellyn said, pointing to the bag next to him.
“Do it yourself,” he said, sullenly.
“Do you have to make everything so difficult?” Ellyn asked, disgusted. She grabbed the bag and started throwing things in it.
“Do you have to order me around all the time?” Erath retorted evenly.
“I was just asking you to be helpful!” Ellyn answered angrily.
“Well stop asking! Do something for yourself for once!” Erath grabbed a sack and shoved the cooking supplies in it.
“Erath, don’t talk to my sister that way,” Gavin said. “Ellyn, don’t talk at all.”
“Why should we listen to you, now?” Ellyn demanded.
Erath looked at her, astonished. “Do you know that’s the first reasonable thing I’ve ever heard you say?” he asked.
“How’d you do it, Gavin?” Brynn asked. “They’re agreeing about something. Unbelievable.” Gavin and Brynn both laughed for a minute before realizing that Ellyn was staring at them, her arms crossed defiantly. Erath simply glared at them.
“The point still stands,” Ellyn said. “Why do I have to listen to you?”
“Because we all want to live. And to live, we’ve got to have order. So: Gavin, you will take care of Ben and be the navigator. Ellyn, you will do all of the cooking, once you’ve mastered something edible. Erath, you will keep the firewood stocked. I will continue to do the hunting and be in charge of packing everything when we are ready to move. Any questions?”
“What about my wounds? They’re still not healed yet,” Erath pointed out.
“If you are well enough to steal a chicken, you are well enough to chop firewood,” Brynn answered. “Anything else?”
Gavin was the only one who looked happy about the new rules, but Ellyn and Erath were both silent.
“Good,” Brynn said. “Gavin, you have the map, right?” Gavin nodded pulling it from his pocket.
“We need to head--,” he paused, looked up, and then pointed to the right. “That way.”
“Let’s go,” Brynn said.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
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19 comments:
Yay, the first comment!
I officially love Brynn. Erath totally deserved that slug in the face. :D
Again, I know I'm a Tolkien fan, but can we get more description? I'm not asking for pages and pages and pages of the appearance of the town, but enough to make sure everyone is imagining the same thing the author is would be good.
A random question: Shae, when you made Erath up, did you intend for him to be that arrogant, or did he just sort of develop like that?
Yay! Brynn is so awesome. I liked how you fixed up the whole punching thing - it worked out well.
Thanks, Amber...
Yeah, Elizabeth, I think you're right. I need to work on writing better (and more) description. Thanks for the note! :) That's definitely something for me to pay attention to.
Chariss
Sure thing! i think I notice it because I love description, and I'm always in such a rush that I don't put it in. :D
--Elizabeth Kelley
ah chariss! marvelous job! erath definitely sounds much better! and brynn ... well, he's just awesome.
to answer your question Elizabeth, I did make him really stupid and arrogant like you said. Only it turned out a tiny bit different because of how his experiences on the Freedom made him. I had always intended him to be the constantly angry one of the group, always having conflicts with everyone, but this has turned out to be waay more fun!
me next I guess? very well. I'll see if I can have it written by the end of this week.
wahoo! Can't wait, Shae!
Yeah, Elizabeth, I always get caught up in the exciting part and I rush through everything else to get there, forgetting to add description!
I'm glad everyone liked Brynn in this chapter...I was telling Amber, I wasn't sure how I should make him in this chapter, but then I started writing it and he kind of took over! It was quite fun...;)
Hmm. Nice work, Chariss. Well written. Some (hopefully constructive) thoughts:
- As most people have pointed out (meaning Elizabeth K), some more description/character development would so enhance this story. It's good; but it could be made better if we're actually put into the characters' heads. Here's an idea (and I think this is what you had planned in the first place): write directly from your character's point of view when it's your turn to write. (i.e. Shae will write the next chapter explicitly from Erath's point of view, Amber from Gavin/Ellyn's, etc.) That way, every person can develop their character(s) in the way they see fit, instead of it just being constant narrative (which is well done, but should be supplemented). Make sense? (And this is just a thought; do what you feel is best for the story.)
- Erath is a jerk. I am severely annoyed with him. Good job, Shae. I think you've effectively made him into a character everyone loves to hate. His redemption process should be interesting...
- Gavin and Ellyn are rather fun to watch interact as foils of each other. Keep it up, Amber!
- Brynn. He's just a dreamboat. He's the character we love to love. Should be interesting to see where he goes. Nice work, Chariss. (Although I might like to see his weaknesses a bit more. Which will happen as you get inside his head more.)
Overall: well done and keep pushing forward.
Alex T.
Whoa, Alex... that was long. :D Good, though. Oh, and since when am I "most people?"
10-4
~Elizabeth Kelley
"Most people" meaning the only other person who comments on this blog...
brynne is the best :) i like how you made ellyn's personality different, but i think you should try to make her a little more likeable... like maybe have something happen to her that changes the way she acts/makes her grow up a little bit. or you could bring another girl in.
Shae, do we have an ETA on chapter 13? (An unlucky number... foreshadowing, anyone?)
The chapter has been partly edited...I don't know what Shae is doing with it now, but it's a good one...:D We should get it pretty soon, right, Shae?
They updated the blog.
And then the world ended.
I finished the chapter almost two weeks ago. I'm just waiting now for Amber to get on her computer and edit it.
Alex, thank you for your comments! It's so good to have people who don't butter up the writers with "wow, it was amazing," but to really have something to say about the piece.
OK Shae, now you have me curious. From where did the expression "buttering up" come? Now I'll have to find out (I'm odd like that... I love knowing the origins of expressions and formalities).
OK, Amber, since it appears to be in your hands, do we have an ETA for said chapter? (I know school's started and all, so you get a TON of sympathy, at least from me. :D )
Shae, m'dear, where is lovely chapter 13? Amber, have you edited it yet? Post! Post! Post! :D
your loving friend,
Chunka-munka
I'm so sorry - I'm editing it now!!! ... school's picking up and all.
Amber, please; priorities here! Graduating high-school, or satisfying the curiosity of 5 people? You have to decide.... make your choice! Obviously, you should choose the latter. :D
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